For Wilshire Baptist Church
Working in the yard on Friday I could hear the laughter of children on the playground at the church down the street. I hear that most days when I’m working outside and I don’t think much about it. But this time my mind locked in on the sounds of childish play because I was getting the yard and the house cleaned up for a bridal shower.
It’s no mystery that bridal showers are often followed a year or so later by baby showers. In fact, it’s no secret that when a couple gets married, the wedding guests may be quietly wondering, “How long till they start a family?” The timeline is not set in stone and often changes from generation to generation. My grandparents had their children in their mid 30s. My parents had their children in their early 20s. My generation was all over the calendar, as has been our children’s generation.
When I say “our” children, I mean my generation’s children, because I don’t have children. If anyone was wagering on children at my first wedding, they would have lost the bet, myself included. I was a child once and I enjoyed that time of my life. My parents enjoyed having their children and I saw in the way they loved me that it was a good thing. Naturally I thought that I would have children someday too, but things don’t always turn out the way you expect. I also thought I’d grow up to be a “business man” because that’s what my father and other fathers were, but that didn’t happen either.
My career choice may be part of why I don’t have children. Two journalists starting their careers at the bottom of the ladder with night jobs at newspapers and magazines is not a great way to start a family. That’s just part of the story and the only part I can share. It’s complicated, but I’ll say this: Debra and I had friends early on who announced they didn’t want children, but that wasn’t us; and some who said they couldn’t have children, and that wasn’t us either.
Some people seemed to envy us empty nesters during those early years, thinking we had extra time and money to do other things, but that’s not true. We put our time into our parents, siblings, nieces and nephews; we put our money into causes we believed in, although journalism is a low-paying job unless you become a star at the newspaper. We also had coworkers who took advantage of our empty nest, as in, “Well, I need to go take Johnny to his football practice, so I’ll leave the project with you. See you tomorrow.” Apparently having a husband or wife wasn’t as important to us as having a child was to them.
After Debra died and I was creeping up on 50, my friend Ken advised that when I was ready for a relationship again, I could consider meeting younger women. It wasn’t said but it might have been implied that I still had a chance to have children. I’ve never entered a relationship with a goal other than the relationship itself, and this time around I wasn’t seeking a relationship at all. But then I had a casual dinner with LeAnn, and when Ken met her he pulled me aside and said, “Forget what I said about younger women. LeAnn is the best.”
Yes, she is, and I would do anything for her including busting my back to help get the house ready for bridal showers, neighborhood picnics, church gatherings and family football watch parties — all in one week. She has the incredible gift of hospitality and I have the gift of going along, so we do well together. LeAnn, like me, didn’t have children, and that wasn’t on my checklist when we started spending time together. But she did have a host of wonderful family and friends that we’ve mixed with mine, and together we’ve created a life that in no way is empty.
The old saying goes that when God closes a door, a window opens. I’d also say that when the nest appears empty, there’s a basket nearby that’s ready to be filled. I thank God every day for an overflowing basket.