For Wilshire Baptist Church
I wasn’t expecting an emotional collision with the deaths of Jerry Jeff Walker and Roy Faulhaber just a few days apart, but that’s what happened to me back in October. I wrote about it then but then I set it aside because sometimes it’s good to let thoughts sit for a while. I’ve done that, and now here it is:
Walker was a favorite Texas singer-songwriter who did music his own way and wrote some wonderful ballads along with some fun dancehall songs. After he died from cancer at age 78, I went through my usual process of wading through his music. It was all going fine until I came upon “Couldn’t Do Nothing Right.” Walker didn’t write the song, but his version may be the best. It’s a lament from a lover who says painfully, “I couldn’t stay here if I wanted to, I couldn’t stay here if I tried, you were always so disappointed in me, I guess I could never do nothing right.”
Hearing the song again brought me to tears. Not just because of its own sad story, but a memory it brought back. I was on a road trip with Debra, the song came up on a CD we were listening to, and she quietly said, “I guess that’s how you feel about me: I can’t do anything right.” We were going through a rough time as couples sometimes do, and it hurt to know that she thought I felt that way. It was one of those shattering moments when someone holds up a mirror and you see who you are or who you’ve become.
Which brings me to Roy, one of our longtime Wilshire members who passed away just short of his 100th birthday. I knew Roy for all of my 30 years at Wilshire as an usher and a friend. He was tall and thin, with a sweet jovial voice, a sparkle in his eye, and often a joke or piece of wisdom to share. Roy was a favorite part of my church experience.
On Sunday mornings in the narthex, Roy would always ask about Debra, and later, LeAnn. “How’s your sweetie?” he’d ask, and on many occasions he’d say, “Jeff, you know what the secret to a long, happy marriage is? Never go to bed angry. Whatever it is, get it settled before you go to bed. That’s always worked with me and Jeannie.”
I know that Roy wasn’t suggesting that it’s actually possible to get everything solved every night no matter what it is. I think he was talking more about recognizing that so much of what people may disagree about is superficial and irrelevant and not worth stewing about. He was saying that love should always win the day and rule the night. From what I can tell, Roy applied that philosophy to all his relationships.
Looking back, I know that I sometimes failed with Debra in that regard; I’ve been older and wiser with LeAnn. And thanks to Roy and Jerry Jeff, I’ve been reminded again of that simple yet powerful piece of advice.