For Wilshire Baptist Church
Last Sunday LeAnn and I spoke to Wilshire’s Compass Class about our “journey” through my cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery. We were invited to do this almost five months ago, and because we’ve never done anything like this before, we didn’t wait until the last minute to gather our thoughts. More important, Compass is a great group of folks – the very essence of Wilshire really – and we wanted to give them our best.
So, I went back through our calendar and records to create a timeline and we added thoughts and memories about various aspects of the journey. And then we practiced our talk several times while sitting side-by-side on the sofa with pen in hand to add, subtract or rearrange. Like I said, we’d never done this before.
We concluded – or I concluded, actually – with some “spiritual thoughts.” The interesting thing for me is what I said was not something I spent much time on. It just sort of spilled out of me a couple of months ago and I wrote it down and didn’t change it. The following is what I read to the class. You may agree, or you may disagree, and that’s OK either way. I believe ours is a church, a faith and a God big enough to hold diverse spiritual perspectives.
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I’ve been asked if I ever shook my fist at God and said, “Why me? I’ve been a good servant and follower.” No, I didn’t. My sister died early, my first wife did too. I know there are no exemptions from bad things happening; there’s no saying, “I’ve had my share of trials and I shouldn’t have any more.”
I don’t believe God is punishing us or testing us when these things happen. The question isn’t, “Why did this happen to me?” The question is, “What will I do with this?” Maybe writing and talking about it is part of that answer. At UT Southwestern we told our doctors we’d be pleased to visit with patients with similar cases who are just getting started on the journey, as LeAnn has already done with Bob and Marge (a patient and spouse we’ve gotten to know).
Sometimes people in these situations who come out of it OK boldly proclaim the blessings and grace that God has blanketed them with. That is fine, but I tend to step back from that a little. Because for every way we have been blessed, others we know and love have had a different experience. We have relatives and friends, some in this church, some in this room, who have battled cancer with different results. What are we to say of them, then? Was God absent for them? Were God’s blessings not for them? Does God choose some and not others to bless?
It’s the most difficult part of this journey: Sorting out the presence and power of God. I’ll admit to having survivor’s guilt sometimes.
But this, perhaps, is where the people of God have such an important role to play, regardless of the outcome. I believe we are to be the blessing. We are to bless each other as we believe God blesses us; to love each other as God loves us. We are to help, assist, pray and love those who are suffering. We are to be the blessing.
And Wilshire has certainly been that for us. If I had lost this battle, or if it comes back to me someday as cancer often does, we can’t say we weren’t blessed by God, because the people of God have blessed us.