For Wilshire Baptist Church
So, what is your star word for 2025?
If you were at Wilshire on Sunday, you were invited to pick a shiny star out of a basket with a word written on it. And then you were encouraged to consider that word in this new year and how it might guide you inwardly and outwardly closer to Christ. This is the second year we’ve done this and I’m not sure how well I did last year.
My word last year was “Pray,” and of course I prayed as I said I would in a blog post here. But did I pray with conviction, honesty, faithfulness? And who and what did I pray for — aside from my own needs and desires? I believe learning how to pray will continue to be a lifelong challenge.
Sunday when I pulled a new star out of the basket and turned it over, I found the words “Self-Love.” I was amused at first and said, “Looks like I get a spa year. I can do that for sure!” But actually, I’m unsettled by it. To me, self-love seems self-indulgent and, in fact, selfish. It reminds me of Stuart Smalley, the self-absorbed, self-help guru portrayed by comedian Al Franken on “Saturday Night Live” in the 1990s. He always took us down into the mess of his life and ended his on-air sessions with this unconvincing declaration: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!”
Seriously, there’s been much said and written about the concept of self-love, and with it, self-care, and I tend to scoff at it where I am concerned. I mean, really, I am so fortunate and privileged while there are people hurting all around us. Shouldn’t they come first among our priorities? Shouldn’t they come first with our resources and all of that?
Still, I know there’s a need to help people out of the very real pit of self-doubt and self-condemnation they’ve been shoved into by our quick-to-blame-and-shame culture. Even if someone isn’t putting us down, some of us are wired to do it to ourselves.
I’ll admit there are places deep inside me where the healing light of self-love doesn’t shine. I have regrets and guilts that I’m told God has forgiven and tossed aside, but I can’t or haven’t been able to do that for myself. It’s nothing criminal, mind you; nothing that haunts me day and night. In fact, most of the time it’s out of mind, but then something will happen – such as getting a star that says “Self-Love” — and it bothers me for a while.
So, how do we bury these things once and for all? How do we turn them over to God and not take them back? Is our inability to do so a sign of weakness, of mistrust, of lack of faith? And is worrying about that another form of self-loathing, which is the dangerous opposite of self-love?
I don’t have answers to those questions, but I’m going to keep my star word where I can see it this year so I can delve more deeply into the how-to of self-love. Better yet, LeAnn has written both of our words – my “Self-Love” and her “Overflow” – on a chalkboard in our mud room so we’ll see them every time we come and go from the house.
Meanwhile, I learned this week I have a tooth that can’t be saved and needs to be pulled. As I left the dentist’s office, I texted LeAnn with the news and she replied, “Glad you are practicing self-love and getting it taken care of.”
Yeah, maybe so, but there’s pain, discomfort and expense involved. It’s definitely not a good start to my make-believe spa year. On the other hand, I believe a part of self-love is letting go of worries about things we can’t control, so maybe that’s a start.