A longtime friend who writes, performs and advocates called this week with a request: He’s in the final editing phase of a book of essays about blessings and wanted my opinion on his use of the pronouns “I” and “you.” His editor said he should use one or the other but not together. My friend contends they can and should be used together. I agree – not just grammatically and stylistically, but because when used together there is so much power.
When we talk about what we are doing, have done or will do or experience, we use “I.” Meanwhile, “you” is usually about, well, what you have, are or will do or experience. Often those are two different conversations. But when you are talking about a personal experience and want to make a universal connection, using both “you” and “I” builds a bridge to shared experience.
Example: “I was driving across town during the ice storm, gripping the steering wheel tightly and holding my breath. And in moments like that you wonder if perhaps you should have stayed home.” Or the opposite: “There you are, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, holding your breath, and you’re thinking ‘I shouldn’t be here; I should have stayed home.’”
In those tellings, a personal experience becomes a universal experience about danger, stress, doubt, anxiety, regret. Using both “you” and “I” creates that connection.
On the surface it’s just tricks with words and perspectives, but I believe we tend to write and talk the way we think and reason, and perhaps even the way we act, pray, vote, support or ignore. Words have meanings and they influence actions.
I think many of us spend a lot of time in the land of “I” when we ought to visit “you” more often. Something bad happens across town or in another state or country, and we hear an interview where a victim says, “I was so frightened and worried for my family.” We think, “sure, that’s bad, but I don’t have to worry about that happening here.” But if we hear the interviewee say, “I was so frightened and worried for my family, and, you know, you just don’t ever think that’s going to happen to you,” that triggers something deep inside. Suddenly you are the “you” they are talking about. You begin to consider “what if?” and other questions that challenge your presumed position of distance, safety and immunity.
Used together, “I” and “you” becomes “us” and “we,” and that’s where empathy, justice, compassion and advocacy live. That’s where we find community, and ultimately, biblical kingdom.
That’s what I believe. How about you?