For Wilshire Baptist Church
I attended a memorial service recently and a man sitting in front of me reached into his suitcoat pocket and pulled out some paper. He unfolded it to reveal a program from another such service; I could see an oval portrait and the words “In Loving Memory” above it. He showed it to the person next to him and they both shook a little, apparently amused because he hadn’t emptied his pocket since the last time he wore that suit.
I don’t do much better. Sometimes I leave memorial service programs in the car door pocket for a day or two, or I place them on a corner of the kitchen counter or carry them up to my desk where I find them later. It just doesn’t seem right to come home and throw the program in the recycling bin right away. After all, the obituary printed inside may be the last words written about that person.
They also may be the only words. As a new reporter at the Waco newspaper I had to write police reports and obituaries. Grunt work for sure, but both were considered serious business, and obits were assigned with this stern warning: “For many people this is the only time they will ever get their names in the paper, so you better get it right.”
I took that charge seriously, and it wasn’t easy with the technology of the day. We didn’t have email so we took the information by phone or from forms delivered from the funeral homes and then retyped it. There were plenty of chances to make mistakes, but I must have done OK because I never heard otherwise. And along the way I gained a sense of who the people were – their accomplishments, the legacies and the families they left behind. It was humbling work, but at age 22 I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about last words and legacies.
I’ve read a lot of obits since then in newspapers and memorial service programs. I’ve helped write a few as a family member; I’ve read one over an open casket. They’re all just words on paper but they’re not something to take so lightly, and certainly they shouldn’t be the last words written or spoken about a life.
If it’s true that actions speak louder than words, then there are countless ways to actively honor and remember the ones we miss. I’ve done all the usual things: memorial donations, flowers at church on birthdays, adopting mannerisms and phrases. I’ve filled my days with mementos: Grandma’s shelf clock announces the morning, LeAnn’s father’s cap protects me from the noontime sun, and Debra’s lamp lights my book before going to sleep.
Better yet is to take the best of who someone was and live it forward. In my own way I’ve tried to share the optimism of Grandpa, the patience of Grandma, the strength of Grandad, the hospitality of Anna Belle, the laughter of Aunt Lucy, the peace of Uncle Kenny, the reverence of Dick, the faith of Debra, the enthusiasm of Perry, the friendliness of Paul. It sounds a bit like “The Wizard of Oz” – courage, heart, brain and all that – but we all embody these and other traits in different amounts depending on who has touched our lives.
In this Halloween week, let’s not forget that All Saints Day follows as a time to remember those who have gone before us. But let’s not just remember them in words on paper or in silent thoughts; let’s strive to share the best of their lives in the way we live with each other.